Qualified Republican Presidential nominees "Well, does Fred Thompson at least smell manly?"

TRex over at Firedoglake points to Chris Matthews' comments regarding the potential Republican Presidential candidate Fred Thompson. Poor Chris. He is reduced to asking if Fred at least "smells manly." (Crooks and Liars has the video.) Give Chris credit. When there's not much to work with, Chris will work with what he has. That's what a good public relations flack does.

So Chris Matthews is reduced to trying to push Fred Thompson's Presidential candidacy based on the manliness of his smell, we viewers might well suspect that the FOX/MSNBC Republican machine (and its associated political party) has hit a spot of trouble in politics. Ya think?

Well, let's look at the situation.

The Republicans have a bench of potential nominees that even the Republicans can't stomach. Everyone is looking at Romni, Guilliani and McCain in incredulity, with Democrats saying "Thank you, God." and Republicans saying "Oh. My. God!"

When the best person on stage is an ancient crackpot Obstetrician (from the Texas District next to that of the disgraced Tom DeLay) whose claim to fame is a strong following among anti-government Libertarians and who is famous for regularly voting against the entire House of Representatives on basic things like the military budget, the phrase “Houston, we have a problem.” takes on all new level of meaning to Republicans.

But all is not lost. There is, somewhere deep in the Tennessee woods, a lobbyist, actor, one-term do-nothing ex-Senator with no significant credentials or accomplishments beyond appearing old and gruff. He is not known for standing for anything of any kind politically, and beyond being elected to the Senate during the Republican landslide of 1994, has zero political accomplishments. OK. Positive side – think “Political blank slate”. And he does have that tiny, perky little trophy wife about half his age with the cute giggle. Compared to the current potential Republican dwarfs, that's a real positive.

Of course, he makes depressed basset hounds look positively attractive, but who else is there? How do the Republican flacks repackage this utter political do-nothing vacuum into someone who desperate Republicans can vote for??

Well, how does he smell? Is it manly enough? That's what Chris Mathews is trying out. And why shouldn't he? Matthews has no reputation to protect, and he is as desperate as the rest of the Republicans to find someone or something better than the current crop of potential nominees.

If FOX and MSNBC can't somehow use the do-nothing cradle robbing ex-Senator lobbyist into a viable candidate who makes Republicans' hearts go pitty-pat -

(NO! Keep him away from Dick Cheney until after his surgery for his new defibrillator battery next Summer! What if the build-up works? Some people's hearts just can't DEAL with pitty-pat!)

- they may be forced to pull a wooden or fiberglass puppet out of the closet from somewhere. (Wooden IS preferred. It has to appeal to conservatives, after all.) Then Chris Matthews will be lauding the beauty of this new candidates' hinges while his handlers whisper urgently into his ear mike (Chris - don't talk about the strong, pretty strings!)

The lobbyist-actor Thompson with the remarkably unmanly name "Fred" is really the best they have. Expect to see the Wurlitzer to push him as hard as they can.

[ h/t to Glenn Greewald]